desperately seeking....something.

i'm sitting at home on sunday night, well...i should be sleeping, but i'm feeling a bit restless. and i have a million things running around on the little track in my head. so, i figure i'll blog.

i've just spent all weekend at work. allll weekend. i should invest in a cot. i've taken down and put up three bulletin boards, finished report cards and comments for 21 little third graders, written lesson plans galore, and inhaled probably more coffee than humanly possible. (i also rearranged my bedroom furniture last night and was up until 3 am. and by rearrange i mean that i moved my bed from one wall to the other wall. that's really all you can do in hong kong. limited space.)




now, i love my job. well...let me rephrase. i love my students. and i love education and learning. and getting to invest in young peoples lives. all the politics of school and teaching, i don't love that part so much. but, i don't do it for those reasons...i do it for my kids. i go in on a weekend and try to create fun and creative bulletin boards for them. my reward is that they get to enjoy and benefit from an environment that i can provide for them. today after work i just felt so exhausted. i love doing my job and helping my students, but this weekend i realized that i often neglect myself in the process. i neglect friends in the process. i feel like i don't have a life because of my job. and perhaps that's because for me it's more than just a job. but, i really think that i need to find a new hobby or...something.

last night i watched the movie "julie and julia" after my furniture rearranging. it really inspired me and perhaps it's what has gotten me on this tangent of thinking. but, julie invested herself in a project. she had a goal. she set a time for when she would meet her goal. and she struggled and toiled through the entire process, but she was able to do it. i so admire that. it desperately makes me wish that i had some sort of ambition like her. i've been thinking all day about this. it's pathetic. but i've been thinking "what could i do?" and "what do i want to do?" i've always been the person that starts a million little projects...knitting, scrapbooking, photography, cooking, writing, painting, yoga and i'm sure that this list could go on. for year i've always started something, but the second it started getting too difficult or i started feeling like i just wasn't really good at it or i got bored of it, it would just be done. tonight i went and bought the book that julie powell wrote that inspired the movie. i thought that perhaps if i read her memoirs about her own ambition that perhaps it will spark one of my own.

here's hoping that is will spark...something.

goodnight friends.